Tough Love

A lot of us at WGR either were or are coaches.  The rest of us are or were players at one point.  An article we read recently reminded us of some of the experiences  we had, both as part of teams and just as students in general.

The article that inspired us appeared in the Harvard Business Review and was titled "The Fine Art of Tough Love."   A few excerpts from the article demonstrate why we found it enlightening.  This story seemed a good fit for the world of rugby, where the demands of the sport .. it's fitness level and physicality .. demand certain levels of tough love.  That's why it appears to us rugby is GROWING in participation numbers across the country.

"The teacher at the heart of the book Strings Attached is on the face of it an unlikely corporate role model. My childhood music teacher Jerry Kupchynsky, who we called “Mr. K,” was strictly old school: A ferocious Ukrainian immigrant and World War II refugee, he was a tyrannical school orchestra conductor in suburban New Jersey. He would yell and stomp and scream when we screwed up, bellowing “Who eez DEAF in first violins?” His highest praise was “not bad.”  He rehearsed us until our fingers were raw."

"Yet ultimately he became beloved by students, many of whom went on to outsize professional success in fields from business to academics to law, and who decades later would gather to thank him."

"Clearly, Mr. K’s demanding methods have tapped into a sea change that we’re just starting to detect in the culture, away from coddling of kids and the “trophies for everyone” mentality that has dominated parenting and education. It’s a shift that is equally evident in the workplace.  But trying to offer more honest feedback, and set higher standards, at work is tricky.  It’s especially difficult in the case of newer hires, those recent young college grads who were raised on a steady diet of praise and trophies and who never learned to accept criticism."

"Mr. K’s methods offer an intriguing roadmap:

1. Banish empty praise.
Mr. K never gave us false praise, and never even used words like “talent.” When he uttered a “not bad” – his highest compliment — we’d dance down the street and then run home and practice twice as long.
It turns out he was on to something.  Harvard Business Review readers will recall the landmark 2007 article written by psychologist K. Anders Ericsson, “The Making of an Expert.”  That piece is most often cited for his pioneering work establishing that true expertise requires about 10,000 hours of practice."

There are four more key methods he used in his "tough love" teaching.  Check the rest of them out if you're a coach or a team captain ... 

We wonder, how effective would this be with our high school athletes today?  Does anyone have a story of this in practice?  We know this can backfire too, if not done in a special way.  Post a comment and join the discussion.